She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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