hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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