He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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