They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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