My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
