Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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