He is an equal opportunity slut.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
