When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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