Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
