sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
