legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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