I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
