I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
