omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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