No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
