I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
