Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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