Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
