My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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