Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
