At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
