I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
