I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
