lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
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i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
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This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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