There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
