I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
