I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
only if we run a train.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog