I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.