yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
