he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
