Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
