dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
