Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Randomize
