Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
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