Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Did you pee in the oven last night??
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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