it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
