Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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