The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
