i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Randomize
