is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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