Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
