I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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