best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
