he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
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I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
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She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
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