This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
