I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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