i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Drunk is a universal language darling
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
