If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
