When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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