i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
