just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
