i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
