I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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