that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
