The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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