So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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