I CAN MOONWALK!
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
