Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
