This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
