we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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