OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Randomize
