if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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