remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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