JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
