Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
