high people should be assigned attendants
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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