I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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