My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
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