The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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